After getting the news that I got to skip my second round of chemotherapy and go straight into surgery, I had to go into the chemo suite one last time to get another Lupron shot (to keep my ovaries quiet as I completed chemotherapy and go into surgery- just in case I had to do more chemotherapy later on). As I sat in the chemo suite waiting for a nurse to be ready to give me a shot in the butt, the emotions came over me. Over 4 months of no emotions- no tears, not mad, not sad, not really even happy. I sat there- taking in the smell, beeping, lights, and feeling of the chemotherapy suite and how I might never have to enter this room again. I pulled it together long enough to get my shot and get to the car. As my husband and I stood at the car door, I lost it. I lost it for the first time. Tears kept coming and I couldn’t stop. It was like 4 months of the toughest part of my life so far came flooding in. Happy tears, exhausted tears and probably a little bit of fear still in there for what needed to come next…
About 4 days after surgery, I was eating dinner with my mom and I got a phone call. THE PHONE CALL. It was my oncology surgeon (Dr. Moline) with the pathology report from surgery. This was it- the biggest news I was ever going to get. Was there any cancer left? Did they get clean margins? More chemo? Radiation?
NO.
My pathology report came back CLEAR. Margins were CLEAR. They got it ALL. No more treatment. Now… I thought I would have the same reaction I did in the parking lot that day after the emotions of the chemo suite… but I didn’t. I was back to no emotions, even after I told my mom the news and she lost it. Not happy, not sad, not relieved. I was still in this. I was still unable to move my arms, sedentary, and miserable. I still had more to overcome and I was back in the “just get through this” mindset.
So, there was only one thing left to do. Just get through it.
Mandafit 