Taking the emotion out of it

Telling the people you love the most that you have cancer is hard, but I think the hardest part was not knowing the plan. I have breast cancer. What kind? What does that mean? Well what happens now? I didn’t have the answers to any of these questions. I went to dinner that night to celebrate my mom’s birthday with my mom, mother in law and sister in law. My sister in law had texted me earlier in day so she already knew the news. But she was there for me in support of telling my mom. Telling my mom was heart breaking. My mom had battled her own cancer (Hodgkins lymphoma) back in 2009. She knew what it was like to go through treatment, and to hear that her youngest daughter was about to go through something similar, well I had to get enough courage to tell her. I did, and ruined the entire birthday dinner, but it was out there now. Real. But again, now what? Spent the rest of the weekend spreading the news and swallowing the truth. I am grateful enough to have a friend who used to work for Cancer Care Northwest and had a lot of information I was eager to get started on learning. I met up with her and got the low-down on who, what, when, where and why so I could go into Monday with a game plan. Now… the only thing I didn’t do this weekend was cry. I never felt sadness for myself or anyone around me. I just felt like this was a new chapter in my life that I just had to tackle, maybe with a little help and a different way of doing things, but I was ready. Let’s fucking do this.